By Tim Sullivan
As you’ve probably heard by now, water is a pretty big deal. Not only does it comprise 70% of the human body and the Earth on which we live (coincidence? Illuminati? I’ll let you be the judge), but it is very much vital for one’s existence. And if, for whatever reason, that very obvious statement is troublesome for you and you can only learn in mechanic metaphors, let me help you out: if your body is a car, water is the oil that makes it run. Which would make your heart the engine, I suppose. Or your brain. And eyelids are the windshield wipers.
Anyway, we all know that water is pretty essential; it does, after all, result in hydration. I do believe, however, that there are a few select reasons as to why hydration is so important to us that may surprise the average reader.
1.) Let’s start with the basics. If water is the oil that makes humanity function, it’s no surprise that a lack of water equals a lack of efficiency. A lack of proper hydration could make for feelings of sluggishness, a loss of strength, and an overall lack of energy.
You are your own mechanic. Therefore, it’s up to you to decide whether you’d like to be strutting around in a broken down ’92 Toyota Corolla or a shiny new Aston Martin. I don’t know about you, but in the words of Ghostface Killah: “tomorrow ain’t promised and my bankroll’s bursting/connects with Aston Martin, I’ll be the first in/that prototype truck, with the space navigation.”
Enough said.
2.) Every plant I’ve ever personally owned (all three) has died. While this is a personal trauma in and of itself, it’s even more concerning to know that, had I been given the same treatment, I would have met the same untimely demise.
Plants are the only living creatures that shrivel up and die upon irresponsible watering. Our skin gets flaky and itchy, our mouths become dry, and worst of all, our lips become chapped. Have you ever been able to hold on to a tube of lip balm for more than twelve hours? No? Well, me neither. Think of all the money you could save on replacing lip balm in an effort to stay hydrated. That’s just straight up fiscal responsibility.
3.) This one goes hand-in-hand with number two. A lack of water dries you out. This has been established. But does it stop there? No. You see, one of the main purposes of saliva is to kill germs—it has antibacterial properties. But hold on to your hats—dehydration results in a decrease in saliva production. Without saliva, who is going to defend your mouth from bacteria? Certainly not me! So stay dehydrated, if you’d like. But you might also want to keep a tube of Mentos on deck, because a bacteria-infested mouth is not a pleasant-smelling one.
4.) No tears. How are you supposed to cry if you don’t have water in your system? And how are you supposed to prove to your significant other that you are a sensitive, vulnerable human being? And how is your relationship supposed to thrive under the pretenses of you being a cold, tearless monster?
Stay hydrated. I’m just trying to save your relationships, folks.
5.) Oftentimes, dehydration comes from not drinking enough water, which isn’t too surprising. People lead busy lives. They have jobs, school, family, friends—the whole nine yards. There’s not too much time to stop and reflect upon how many glasses of water you’ve had. I get it.
But think about it this way—there are several things that are not only not contributing to your hydration levels, but are also damaging them! Things like the cup of coffee (or three) you drink in the morning to kick start your day. The ice-cold beer you drink after leaving the office to help unwind. The sunshine! Yes, even the sun, the ultimate provider for all things living and tan, has the power to dehydrate you. My point? Stay hydrated and enjoy your coffee, alcohol, and sunshine guilt-free.
6.) Headaches are terrible. They make people feel ornery, uncomfortable, and, worst of all, like they just watched “Cloverfield” for the first time. While there are several causes of headaches (I’m assuming, at least—I’m not a head doctor), one of the primary factors is a lac of hydration.
Ever been hungover? Ever wish you weren’t hungover? Well, believe it or not, the obnoxious symptoms that accompany a hangover are due largely in part to dehydration. Alcohol, as we already discussed, dehydrates you.
Knowing this, it’s fair to compare constantly being under hydrated to walking around all day with a mini hangover. Who wants to live their life with a constant pounding in the back of their brain? Nobody does. Stay hydrated.